Posted on: September 2, 2015 Posted by: vudfc Comments: 0

By Matt

My parents are trying to send a couple cats to a good home. My sister and I decided to advertise them around, but wanted to be COMPLETELY HONEST about it.  I thought I’d share what we came up with here. If you’ve got a good home and a big heart, just let me know!!!!!

Bauer: highly fearful, pre-diabetic, cat; eats only prescription wet food ($$$), pushing into old age, cannot groom himself due to size, and suffers from bouts of explosive diarrhea. he loves to leave his dander all over the place: chairs, sofas, clothing, your dinner plate–you name it, he’ll shed on it. gassy (true). named after Jack Bauer. other than the name, not too many similarities aside from, “often near explosions” (see: diarrhea). sometimes when mom is in a certain mood, she swears Bauer smiles, mostly with his eyes. probably just the cataracts. leaves messes all about the house.

Willie: middle-aged, pre-diabetic cat; eats only prescription wet food ($$$). made to live indoors by de-claw procedure and hates it. meow of the devil . . . possibly other attributes of the devil as well. does not play with children (unless by “play” you mean “claws mercilessly and hisses at” . . . then yes, “plays” very much with children of all ages . . . babies too!) typically hates people. has liked a few truly hateful people. bites can/will draw blood. sheds some, but not like Bauer. real chatterbox when it comes to that blood-curdling meow. doesn’t leave as many messes as Bauer, but seems especially proud about it when he does. almost boastful.

If you would like to make one of these wonderful pets your own, just contact me today! You’ll be happy you did . . . if, you know, you have a different view of happiness and possessions than anyone on earth ever has.

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