By: Matt Gordon
From: Matt Gordon <email@example.com>
Sent: Wednesday, November 13, 2020 8:45 AM
To: Company COVID Safety Team <CompanyCovidSafe@vinvesting.com>
Subject: Question about tomorrow!?
Thanks so much for all the helpful emails about office COVID policy and for the signage around buildings and for keeping us safe in the workplace. Really, really awesome job, gang.
One quick question, though. You put in your communique (elegant word for: communication) last week that any type of “office gathering” was strongly discouraged, both inside and outside of the company. I just had the tiniest question about that. So I already had a little thing planned for tomorrow night–that is sort of grandfathered in, right? And I know that phrasing might be misleading–while the guest list is still being finalized, there will be no actual grandfathers in attendance that I know of. I know they are extra dicey just now, and of course, like you, I want to put safety first. I wish there was a place above first actually, I’m so dang passionate about it. Like something above the gold medal. A vaccinated, sanitized vial of conduct or something?
Anyway, about the event. It is small. No more than ten or twenty people. Definitely not more than thirty or forty. And plus ones, of course.
It will be at my house, which, though adjacent to our workplace, is not company property. We do plan to use the company parking lot of course, and if a crazy hankering for ping pong breaks out, we had contemplated sneaking up to the breakroom. Wearing gloves, naturally. Safety first! (Oh, and by wearing gloves, I mean on our walk over to play, as it will be chilly tomorrow night. We aren’t actually going to wear them while playing–we aren’t animals! Haha.)
The actual gathering, which, I’m certain, will have no more than 100 people, should be extremely safe. We won’t be sharing food or drink, as there will be enough for everyone to grab and have their own. A large portion of the night will be out-of-doors too, per CDC suggestions. Like when people walk up to the house. Then when they ring the doorbell–which will have some scotch tape over it to prevent germs and everything. Then again when guests leave the house. And further when they walk to their cars. Actually without these outdoor aspects there would be no event, so you have to sort of tip your cap to us, our responsibility, and our intrepid sense of humanity on that one. (Happy to be joining you in this important work!!!)
As for masks, most people will be wearing them. These are costume masks–we are sort of doing the whole masquerade thing!–so they will be covering upper faces only. While COVID is the menace of our day, the monster of our epoch–I think you’d agree–is psychological safety. A full face covering could easily be a trigger or worse, damaging a dear friend and, more importantly, ruining this incredible gala.
Hand-washing will be encouraged. Not overtly, as that would feel a bit patronizing, you know? But we will have soap in all of our bathrooms (tucked tidily in the drawers), and our kitchen has a sink as well if anyone is hoosier enough to actually use it to rinse off! Can you imagine!
As for social distancing, we will be completely distant from every other social being in existence. The TV won’t even be on. Our 200-300 guests will, by being with us, decidedly not be any other places. So if you really put your mind to it, we are actually doing above and beyond to not just flatten but destroy the curve altogether.
I write this email because it is what I do as a citizen of our great company and our nation. I care. I act. I pro-act. I am the change I want to see in the world, and I’m sure you can see that. I think our 500 closest friends and family will see it tomorrow night too. So if you have any input, please let me know by no later than 5 PM today as I intend to leave the office to pick up the food and the pools we’ve rented for apple bobbing, and will be unable to be reached. And also, please, please, please feel free to join us tomorrow night. Your whole team is invited (and their guests, of course) but please try to relax while you are there knowing that we’ve done all your legwork for you and the night will be totally safe and a smashing success.
Together we will beat this! And I am thrilled to be doing our part!